I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
