you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
