I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i barfeds in our rink
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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