I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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