took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
