There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
