Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When did angry sex become our thing?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
