He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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