i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
