I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
