Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
