im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
