he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize