Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
