there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
