just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize