This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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