She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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