Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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