I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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