Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
