can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
