plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
third nipple confirmed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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