i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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