Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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