the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize