I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
