just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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