Kiss
Puke
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize