can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
