3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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