Ambien. No doubt about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
