.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
