you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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