how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize