Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
