Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
