I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
