he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize