I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
