Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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