dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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