I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
