I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
