i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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