I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
