This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So squirting runs in the family.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize