that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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