The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so much tequila, so little girl.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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