He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
