So drunk its hurt
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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