he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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