i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
