Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
