Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
