I am puke
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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