I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
