I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
