Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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