just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
