dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die, sorry about rent.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
