he puts the penis in happiness.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
