Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
