why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
