Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
