there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
