Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im holly from the hills drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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