Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
