Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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