I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize