He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
