so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
