i barfeds in our rink
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
