am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
