you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
