I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize